Here it goes

So, I set up this blog when I started my "journey" 3 weeks ago, I haven't had the courage to post anything because I really don't know what to say... I am unhappy, uncomfortable and overwhelmed.  I weigh 240lbs today, 3 weeks ago my weight was 237.  So after 3 weeks of eating healthy and exercising I gained weight... I keep hearing muscle weighs more than fat, it doesn't really make you feel better.  As far as my exercising goes I have been jogging.. not very far.. more of a jog/walk, and swimming.  The swimming has been the easiest because I was on the swim team in high school so you never really lose it.  And my diet has been a low calorie high protein diet.  My fiance Blair has been doing everything with me every step of the day.  My whole struggle has been trying to come to terms with my weight.  How did I let this happen? I was always an athlete in high school and after up until about 2 years ago... I had 2 traumatizing incidences occur and with my depression I couldn't handle it and I tried to commit suicide by over dosing on my anxiety medications.  I ended up in a lock down mental hospital for 4 days on suicide watch.  After that I just let myself go.. I was so focused on trying to stay emotionally healthy that my physical health just went away.  I have gained 70 pounds in 2 years.. 70 pounds!!! But there is light at the end of the tunnel... I have realized that I cant let the past cripple me for the rest of my life, its time to start over and not regret my past but use it as fuel to work out that extra minute every day and eat one less cookie every day.  I have more motivation in me now then ever and I can't wait to see what the future holds...